Draft Results

In the draft last night, Pess acquired Jose Valerde (RP, ARZ). He has a good shot at closing in ARZ this year, so he could have some value.

Additionally, Pess stocked up on young talent. Specifically, young starting pitching: Donald Veal (CHC: acquired this pick by trading Kevin Kouzmanoff to the Pads)), Jaime Garcia (STL), Franklin Morales (COL), Eric Hurley (TEX), Clay Bucholz (BOS), Jimmy Barthmaier (HOU), Ubaldo Jimenez (COL), and Pedro Beato (BAL). Pess also added a young catcher in George Kottoras, who should take over as the starter in Boston once Varitek's knees fall off.

To make room on the minor league roster, 6 bums were told to get the hell outta town.

Carvajal, Marcos RP TB
Eldred, Brad 1B PIT
Giarratano, Tony SS DET
Olmedo, Ray 2B TOR
O'Malley, Ryan SP CHC
Romero, Davis RP TOR

Pippen Goes Crazy

So, Scottie Pippen wants to make a comeback? Ok...fine.

So, Scottie Pippen thinks GMs would "rather have a Scottie than a Michael." Excuse me?

I think Pippen has a little bit of a jealousy problem. Why does he want to come back? It's simple: Cash. Pippen owes over $5 million for his failed business venture called "Air Pip." I guess he thought he could rival Air Jordan too.

I really hope I don't end up seeing "Air Pip" out on the court this season making a total fool of himself. If MJ struggled in his most recent comeback, I can only imagine what Pip would be like at age 41. Maybe he could team up with Sean Kemp and start an entire franchise of "shoulda stayed retired" players.

D-Cab's Value Has Decreased Due to Surgery

In shocking news, Daniel Cabrera has gotten Lasik Eye Surgery to improve his vision. The downside to this is, he will no longer wear glasses. After trading for him, Pess management was hoping to switch D-Cab to wearing indie-rocker glasses (ala Weezer). This would allow the team to hold a "Wild Thing from Major League Look-a-like Day", where Charlie Sheen would throw out the first pitch.

Pess Acquires Draft Picks...

Pess lands 2 1st round regular draft picks from Anderson for a bundle of RPs (Dan Kolb, Franqulis Osoria, Bret Tomko, Ismael Ramirez, and Michael Hicnkley). Hopefully, these 2 picks will be able to results in some nice prospects for the minor leagues.

Trade With Hounds

Pess sends Brad Penny to Hounds for Daniel Cabrera and a 5th round pick. Pess is gambling that his home town Orioles' starter will finally get his control together and put together a complete season.

Busy Week

Well, well, well...where do I start? This week has been jam-packed with action. We've seen an astronaut go insane, wear diapers (we all know that depends aren't all they are cracked up to be), and pepper spray a woman who was sleeping with a man who she wasn't sleeping with...but thought she was...or something like that. Driving 900 miles in a diaper to confront an arch enemy? That hasn't happened since Wilford Brimley drove to Mexico to take on Cock Fighters.

And, if this wasn't enough, everyone's favorite drug-addicted, incoherent, stripper-turned playmate-turned fatso-turned "celebrity" entered the new. Shockingly, she was found unresponsive...much like her late husband was on their honeymoon. All I keep hearing is how sad this is for the baby? Really? That child no longer has to be raised by a buffoon...and it's sad? In 20 years, that child may look back on this event as a lucky break.

Did I forget to mention that the Tar Heels knocked off the evil Blue Devils? The bad news is that UNC played no defense for the second straight game. The good news is that it didn't matter. Coach K went with the brilliant move of playing some guy named Zouebek to stop Tyler. The only problem is that Coach K has never let this man touch a basketball before. As a result, Zuobek tired after 18.3 seconds of play, scored no points, took no shots, and grabbed a whopping 2 rebounds. Jon Scheyer showed that he is a good player. And, he also seems to have inherited the Duke "I'm going to cry if you call another foul on me" face from JJ.

All in all, a rather eventful week. Baseball season is also quickly approaching, as pitchers and catchers report in less than a week. Will this be the season the Orioles climb all the way to 3rd place?

Trade with Paint It Black

In his first trade with one of the expansion teams, Pess Players acquire Chris Carpenter. In return, PIB lands Brian Roberts, Connor Jackson, and Jeff Suppan. Josh Barfield will move into the starting 2B job, and Connor Jackson was blocked by Pujols.